Okay, so this post is a very honest account, so no judgements. Please :)
It is something I work on daily and it is such a struggle to not lose my cool after asking Adelade to do the same thing 5 times...or 10. Lately The only time she'll listen is once I get angry, and then I say "why do I have to get angry for you to listen" and she then looks at me with her big blue eyes as they fill up with tears and doesn't say anything. I immediately wish I could erase the last 2 minutes from her life, but I can't. I then hold her and kiss her and tell her "mommys sorry, and that I love you". I wish I could say this only happened once and I learned my lesson, nope it's happened probably 3 times this week. It makes me feel so awful. I feel like a terrible mother who yells at her innocent 3 year old. I just can't do it all sometimes. It gets so overwhelming just to leave the house by a certain time, I'm not actually angry at Adelade for taking 5 minutes to put one sock one--yes I'm super annoyed but angry-no. I'm angry because the dishes aren't done, my rooms a mess, the laundry hasnt been touched in a week, we are out of groceries, or I'm angry because of how I feel about my body, or I'm upset about something Matthew's done, or hasn't done (this one doesn't usually boil over onto the kids though), or I'm at my wits end with our bills, work, keeping a tidy organized house and it's the last straw.
I want my children to know I love them beyond all belief. I want them to know that even though I may get angry more than I'd like to admit I would do anything for them. I want to do better and I know I can, I just need to keep trying and asking for help from my Saviour wouldn't hurt either ;)
I don't want to dwell on these feelings of guilt rather I'd like to acknowledge my weaknesses and to keep on pushing forward. Parent is no cake walk, unless you like really hard, dense, lumpy, some parts are good others not so much--kind of cake.
Hahaha though this was a serious post, the last part about the cake totally made me laugh. Angela, you are a wonderful mother and every single person gets overwhelmed with the mess, the bills, their husbands etc... And you're right, it's hard not to feel guilty about getting angry with your kids, but that's the great thing about kids, they are wonderful at forgiving and forgetting :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Arianne! Yes the cake part was funny to me too! ;)
DeleteThanks for your honestly Angela I feel the same way. I am constantly guilty about how I deal with my kids on a daily basis. Lately it seems that I am always losing my cool. Every time I make a mistake, which is every day, I say to myself this won't happen again! You can do better and be better. Then I just make the same old mistakes again the next day. I often feel ashamed that I can't keep my cool better. I am an adult after all! haha I'm pretty sure this means nothing to me any more. I feel like a child trying to raise other children. In any case I don;t know if what I just wrote makes any sense. But I just want you to know you are not alone! I want to be a better and happier mother too. As always you are in inspiration to me!
ReplyDeleteI understand everything you wrote. I feel exactly the same way!!! Thanks for your kind words. I'm really happy you are going to be doing this blog challenge too :)
DeleteYou are an amazing mom Angela! - the cake thing had me laughing. Being a wife is hard and being a mom is harder I think! - Patience is getting thinner and thinner for me these days and I can't imaging how much more trying it will get as my children get older. Im watching you tho, you my role model! love you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Rachel! You are doing an amazing job. Two little ones so close in age, you are superwoman!! Love you tooooo!!
DeleteYes, like the others said we ALL feel like this. Sometimes after particularly hard days (which is often over here), I just sit and think about how hard it would be to be a child. I just can't imagine being told, "No," all day and how often my kids hear it. I wonder how many times I haven't listened to them when they ask me over and over for things and how frustrating it must feel to them. Thankfully like Arianne said, they are SO very forgiving and loving and we are all just doing the best we can. The fact that you care so much shows what a good and kind Mother you really are. Thanks for sharing this post :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Alex!! :)
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