Super powers

Somehow I feel like a superhero when I get my children to bed and they fall asleep....and stay asleep. I was worried there for a few weeks that Adelade was growing out of her afternoon nap, but thank goodness she hasn't!!! So as I sit here, I have not one, but 2 sleeping babies in my house. I should probably go to sleep too. It was the first thing I thought of doing this morning when I woke up, "oh man, I can't wait for nap time...I am so gonna take a nap with them." But then I got out of bed, fed Adelade, fed Bentley, fed me, had a shower, fed Bentley, fed Adelade, fed me---did my hair and makeup (first time all week, so I feel like a million bucks!)...oh yah, changed a few rotten diapers in there, but now I feel surprisingly awake.

Matthew and I have been battling a cold all week, he was so nice and shared it with me! I am trying to keep it all to myself and not share any of it with anyone especially my children, but I think they have caught it. At least Bentley sounds like he's got cotton balls stuck up his nose when he breaths and Adelade somehow has dried boogers on the top of her nose--not sure how she is managing that but it's a pretty sight let me tell you. So when I stood in front of the mirror for more than half a second this morning and got "ready" (not that I'm actually doing anything that requires getting ready) it made me feel better. Who know make-up and clean hair is a cold & flu remedy. I plan on kicking this colds butt by tomorrow, it's happening I just know it.

Life has been pretty good lately. Bentley is a month old now--holy hannah- that happened fast!! Last night when Matthew and I were doing our nightly 'put Bentley to bed gig', we were talking about how old we'd be when we will have been together longer than we've been apart. Matthew would be 50 and I'd be 46, then we started thinking about how old Adelade and Bentley would be, Bentley would be 20 and Adelade would be 22!! Say WHAT?! Life has a way of slapping you in the face when you realize your kids are not going to be babies forever. Anyway, it made me all "I want them to stay babies forever". I can't imagine myself being 46 years old let alone having adult age children, it seems like it will never happen, though one day it will. Now when I think about it though....oh wait--Bentley is crying...it stopped...must have just been the milk running out in his dream--back to what I was saying. Now when I think about it though I am really happy to imagine life with adult children, imagining being a mom long enough to see moments that I never got to or ever will get to share with my mom. My mom was a terrific woman, an outstanding mom, I know I'm bias because she was my mom, but just saying she was pretty great. So even if thinking about the future and imagining myself getting older and my children getting older does scare me, it's okay if it does I'm normal. I just want to be the person I imagine myself being now. I shouldn't wait to be a better mom, wife, friend, sister daughter--I should try everyday, not just imagine it, because it's a blessing if I get to see my imaginations come true.---wait! Bentley is crying again...one sec...I'm back, hopefully my superpowers...aka the soother works.

I feel like all I talk about lately is being a mom, or about my kids, and part of me feels bad for it. But when I think about it, it is my life, being a mom is my life. I have had a hard time adjusting to being a 'mom', adjusting to a life where my goals in life aren't just about me (oh my, that sounds incredibly self-centered). I am adjusting to a life where my daily goals are to feed my children, keep them safe, show them I love them, try my hardest not to lose my temper, and teach them something along the way. It is a VERY different life than I have ever had, so it takes time to adjust to it. Somehow I feel like I need to do something more significant, like go to work and get a pay cheque---but when I read what I just wrote, raising children is pretty significant in and of it self-- I am slowly learning this.

Okay, so my superpowers have offically stopped working, nap time is over!...therefore this post is over, because if I say "I'll come back to it" that'll never happen! haha!-